123782: Holy Canolli! by @Kuniyoshi

My Rating: 3 stars

I wasn’t engrossed by this mission at all, but the author definately put more effort into it than a lot of other missions that I’ve run. He included a custom mob faction, which I don’t see the need for, considering that they didn’t do anything really different from the Family or the Mooks. There have been a few mob-themed missions lately, now that I think of it. Much of the 3 stars which I awarded this mission is due to effort.

The story is this, a wiseguy named Stinky Carbone needs you to kill another mobster named Johny Rachinelli, who has put a hit out on him. Johny did this because Stinky put some dirt out on him to the fuzz to get himself out of a situation at a go-go bar. Anyway, he has you go in, off Johny’s goons and blow the place up. He also asks that you personally off Johny, because he has a tendency to survive anything.

Along the way, you learn that Stinky is also either something of a neurosurgeon or has mental powers, because he somehow lobotomized Johny’s brother Nicoli, who can join you in the mission. In his words, “I severed the lower part of his brainstem from the occipital lobe and… what? A guy can’t have hobbies?” Actually, I liked that. 😉

The custom mobs (heh) were nicely designed. I liked the costumes, overall. There was dialogue, especially from Johny, but I don’t think it was very witty. Still, effort was definately made, which I appreciate.

Here’s the end scene from the mission:
[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: Alright ya mooks, time to beat up some old ladies and blow up some candy stores!
[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: Say hello to my little friend!
[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: That kinda hurts! You ever considered boxing professionally?
[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: Look, Let me make you an offer you hopefully cannot refuse!
[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: Drop him in the river boys.
He got me once, while I was trying to take screenshots.

[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: Mr Stabby will have his vengence!
You have defeated Johny Rachinelli
[NPC] Johny Rachinelli: You were supposed to wait till mamma dies!

142607: Students of… by @Thelona

My Rating: 2 stars

There is a plot of sorts here. Nosferatu wants you to break into a school in which students are being engineered into mutant weapons of some sort and then capture them for his use, before they grow up and become heroes. He also wants their teachers eliminated.

A custom faction is in use in this mission. It consists of a male and female student, and a male and female teacher. There was a little descriptive text in their biographies, but it wasn’t very evocative. There was some dialogue from the teachers, but it was also very pedestrian. Overall, I didn’t care for this mission at all.

Oh, and Nosferatu speaks like Cobra Commander’s idiot cousin.

181511: Cop Killer by @Black Vegetable

My Rating: 2 stars

This mission is fine for what it is: a run for a brute to solo or duo. As an actual arc however, it doesn’t pass muster. The premise of the job is that the cops have begun to generically engineer supercops. They have to be put down so that villains, such as ourselves, can continue to operate. The mission is populated with Cage Consortium guards, and by 26 (count ’em) “Super Cops” belonging to a faction called “The Law”. You have to defeat all 26 of these juiced flat tops, in – what I’m assuming is – an effort to divert our tax dollars back to their usual benign benefactors. No, actually, the mission just makes some comments about the air smelling like bacon and has you kill the Super Cops. There’s nothing else to it.

Each encounter is the same. As you approach, a Super Cop yells “Intruder!” You then defeat him and his backup. As he dies, he says “You have no chance to survive. Make your time…” I don’t actually know what he means by the second sentence. Whatever he didn’t finish saying before I put my boot in his mouth will just have to remain a mystery, much like why I chose to run this mission instead of just showering and getting ready to go to court to fight someone who I helped register a car for, who then racked up over $1,000 dollars in tickets, 2 years ago, before removing himself from the registration so that I could deal with the mess. We’ll see what the Hearing Examiner has to say about all of that though. I have 2 hours to get ready, so I’m off.

As an aside, I ran this very quickly, in the 15 minutes before morning maintenance today (Friday, 5/22/09). My new SS/Will made it to level 8 in the mission, with about 10 seconds to spare, as it completed.

182619: Johnny Dangerously by @Rathulfr

My Rating: 3 stars

Fun mission. Good dialogue. Funny character biographies. Its not really a villainous mission in any sense, but for a ridiculous change of pace, its nice. Johnny hires you to take out two other mobsters, Roman Moronie and Danny Vermin, before they kill his brother. The mobsters are surrounded by Family and aren’t overpowered, even for a lowly level-7 brute such as I was when I ran this.

I’m going to run out to see what White Castle’s new Pulled Pork Sammiches taste like, so, before I go, here’s some dialogue from the aforementioned mobsters, and their biographies:

Roman Moronie: Roman Troy Moronie was responsible for The Mother’s Day Massacre, The Christmas Day Slaughter, The Lincoln’s Birthday Mutilations, and The Groundhog’s Day Beheadings. The years hadn’t softened Moronie; he continued to murder the English language, and anyone else who got in his way. He was deported to Sweden, but says he’s not from there.

This is Roman’s dialogue, as you make for him the cement shoes:
[NPC] Roman Moronie: Dis country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin’ iceholes like yourselves.
[NPC] Roman Moronie: What are you doing here, icehole? Don’t bull sty me.
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You fargin’ sneaky bastage.
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You miserable icehole, I’ma gonna nail you to the wall!
[NPC] Roman Moronie: I’ma gonna crush you in a meat grinder, you dirty sunnamon batches!
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You gonna wind up with your bells in a sling.
You have defeated Roman Moronie
You took down Moronie. What a mouth on that guy!
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You lousy cork-soaker — you have violated my fargin’ rights!

Danny Vermin: Danny Vermin fulfilled a lot of people’s prophecies by becoming a real scumbag. He enjoys collecting protection money, putting women to work, loan-sharking, and planting bombs in people’s cars. These are a few of his favorite things. He claims to be handicapped: he’s psychotic.

Danny’s last words, as spoken to myself:
[NPC] Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us undressed.
[NPC] Danny Vermin: You shouldn’t have hurt me, Jotnara. My mother hurt me once — ONCE.
[NPC] Danny Vermin: I am handicapped: I’m psychotic!
You have defeated Danny Vermin
You stopped Danny Vermin and saved Johnny’s brother!
[NPC] Danny Vermin: You shouldn’t have beat me, Jotnara. My father beat me once . . .

Danny Vermin: he’s handicapped

Roman Moronie, from Sweden

156876: Hunk-A-Hunk-A-Burnin’ Love by @Amelia Lynn

My Rating: 4 Stars

Nicely done. The mission description says “Don Mathias has been spurned by Lady Deseri, the object of his affections. He wants you to take her out. Quite an opportunity to get in good with The Family…” Running through this was like playing Romeo and Juliet meet Jack the Ripper.

The intro dialogue was a small wall of text, but it was all in-character. The Don speaks like someone out of My Cousin Vinny. He’s got an interesting jaw. There are two custom mobs, Lady Deseri and her boyfriend, Deago Caberone. Like in the Princess Bride, they have something worth living for. More’s the pity then…

The run was fast. You fight mooks. You then take out the two named mobs, above. The Lady dropped quickly. I can’t even name her powersets. She had a gun, didn’t like it when I hit her, and actually cried about it in a way that wasn’t completely emo. She runs, but Air Superiority and a bunch of Super Strength attacks made short work of that. When she dies, you see “you have killed a beautiful young girl, for choosing love over power,” in the chat area. Some people will balk at the idea of “killed”, because of how they RP. I liked it. It was villainous. It was tragic, brutal and villainous.

Deago put up more of a fight. He’s a Thugs/Fiery Aura MM. Without inspirations, my level 6 brute would never have made it. He actually killed me once, but that was just a setback. The Don made a request of me before I entered the mission, concerning him. “You may run into her precious wuss boyfriend in there. Bring me his… testicular virility. Yeah. Yeah, do that.” Here’s some sample dialogue from the mission:

When fighting Deseri:
[NPC] Lady Deseri: This isn’t necessary! You don’t understand!
[NPC] Lady Deseri: AHHH! I”M WOUNDED!
[NPC] Lady Deseri: Deago! My love we must escape!
[NPC] Lady Deseri: *sob*
[NPC] Lady Deseri: Oh my love! I am dying!
You have defeated Lady Deseri
[NPC] Lady Deseri: We… will always be together now…
You have killed a beautiful young girl, for choosing love over power.

When fighting Deago:
[NPC] Deago Caberone: It’s ok baby. I’ll protect you.
[NPC] Deago Caberone: You don’t have to do this, you know! I’ll pay you twice what he’s offering!
[NPC] Deago Caberone: This is insane! That old lech wouldn’t know what to do with her if he had her!
[NPC] Deago Caberone: Please! You’re making a mistake!
[NPC] Deago Caberone: NO! Deseri- run!
You have defeated Deago Caberone
You’ve managed to kill a young man in love and remove his… testicular verility. Good job.
[NPC] Deago Caberone: I.. love you… my darling… soon we will be together… forever…

Another thing that I enjoyed is that, apparently, the Don did really dig Deseri. He was all broken up about having to put the hit on her, but in a case of “If I can’t have her, no one will,” he did it, and he wasn’t happy with my success at all, come the end of things. Nicely done, Amelia Lynn. These are the kinds of arcs I like running with a villain, and you did it with one mission. Kudos.

Our Romeo, Deago

The Don makes you an offer you can’t refuse

Deseri, the Juliet of our tragedy

What I gave her, you don’t wake from.

132570: Bride To Be by @Colossal

My Rating: 2

You are hired by Bunny Lane to retrieve her husband-to-be so that they can exchange wedding vows and she can apparently become wealthy. There were custom mobs present, and some boss dialogue, but overall, there was nothing memorable in this mission. Back on the Test server, when MA was in beta, Pohsyb also uploaded a wedding-themed mission. The bride was human and the groom was demonic, as was the wedding party. It was much more memorable than this, due to ridiculousness and NPC chatter.

So, Bunny Lane, its definately going to be better for you than it was for me.

Bunny Lane's fiance is having second thoughts

173122: Call of Cthulu by @Assault Tech

My Rating: 2 stars

I went into this mission with my new brute at level 5 really hoping for something special, because I’ve been a fan of Lovecraft for something around 16 years. I was disappointed.

You’re recruited by a COT mage named “Shadow Man”. He explains that “The children of Longbow have acquired our sacred text. The fools remain unaware of the our text’s ancient power, we must recover the book before they discover it’s true nature. Lord Cthulu demands you recover the sacred Necronomicon. Bring the text to me that we may begin his ascension!” Yes, he has “the our” in that sentence, comma splices, incorrect use of certain homonyms and the like. I’m not going to nitpick though. I’m not a a super-powered grammar proponent, but I do feel that anyone who is trying to incorporate Lovecraft’s lore into a mission should be well-versed in a particular manner of English.

So, after accepting the task to retrieve said tome, you enter a cargo ship, fight Longbow (not their children, which could have been interesting, if they were being corrupted somehow by the book) and click the glowie. You gain a clue, which says the Necronomicon is a fake. The contact is disappointed. The end.

There’s so much that could have been done with this, even if Longbow were used. There’s no dialogue in the mission, there’s nothing eerie or unnatural happening. I’m actually tempted to try my hand at a Lovecraftian homage, due simply to this mission, so maybe all has not been for naught.

Dead Cthulu should stay dreaming. Its pointless awakening to this.

Mids is retiring from development of COH Planner

Steiner will be filling his shoes. Its from this thread on the COH forums. The thread links to another on the Titan Network, in which Mids says the following:

Alas, the time has come for me to retire from development and maintenance of Mids’ Hero/Villain Designer.
It’s sad to say, but I’m not able to give it the level of attention and time that I could in the past.

So, with that in mind, I’ve taken the difficult decision to pass it on to someone who can give it the level of commitment it needs, as I’d very much like it to remain available and useful as a resource for the CoX community.

Steiner at the Titan Network has agreed to take it on, and will be handling future updates and such. Though I’m sure I’ll be checking up on him from time to time to keep him on the straight and narrow.

I’d like to thank the community as a whole for the support and positive feedback you’ve always given me, I’ve very much enjoyed my tenure as ‘planner guy’.

153586: Natuu Investigation by @Stay-puft

My Rating: 3 stars

I ran this one with Jotara, my new brute. Tonight is a good night for quick missions. This was another well-put-together run. The writing was good, the action was quick. There were custom mobs and the mission had a plot. A drawback was that the mobs didn’t have custom info, but the mission dialogue wasn’t bad. It advanced the plot.

Initial dialogue

Its late and I’m going to bed, but here are some snippets of NPC dialogue before I crash:

This chick must have seen something. You hear her screams when you enter the mission:
[NPC] Elisa Harmon: Please, please let me go. I don’t know anything!
[NPC] Natuu Crusher: No witnesses!
[NPC] Elisa Harmon: Help, please!

A clue as to what’s going on with this Natuu bunch:
[NPC] Natuu Sniper: Round up this demon trash so we can convert their energy in the generator for the portal tap.
[NPC] Urz Minion: How dare you summon the Legion, You will cower and beg for your lives before this day is done!
[NPC] Natuu Sniper: What fresh hell is this?! Deal with ther intruders and throw them in with this lot.
[NPC] Urz Minion: More to feed on! DESTROY THEM ALL!

Confirmation. Simple but effective:
[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: We need more demon scum to power the portal generator so we can harness that power.

Boss fight, but not needed for mission completion. He was an LT to me, because I’m on Villanious. These were his final words, during the fight:
[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: This should provide some much needed entertainment.
[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: HA! HA! HA! You call that an attack?!
[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: Keep it coming.
[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: Not bad for a civvie.
[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: You must be allied with this demon scum

[NPC] Natuu General Kaza: You’ll never take me alive.
…and I didn’t. 😉

162217: ABCs for Villains by @Foggy Norman

My Rating: 4 stars

This is the first mission I’ve played in a while that I actually enjoyed. It was short, but entertaining. Your contact is Micky the Ear, an old broker. He sends you out to steal some televisions, with special instructions to only steal the “Fony Brand” TV’s. There is one television in the warehouse that is not a Fony. Its a Crey prototype. Grabbing it causes you to hallucinate, and triggers mobs to appear, some are ambushes, and others are stationary. These mobs are Rogue Island Police (RIP) officers, however, due to the hallucinations, they appear mutated and bestial to your character. I really enjoyed that. It was a nice touch to a short mission.

Mission dialogue is well-written, it sounds like it would come from Mickey. There are actual clues in the mission if you steal the Crey model and there’s nothing to slow you down. For a low-level mission, its very smooth.

I ran this mission with a new brute on Villainous. She’s level 4, Super Strength and Willpower. It was a lot of fun.

Too much TV is bad for you…

Mikey the Ear’s initial dialogue

As an aside, I thought the contact’s name was Mickey the Ear, but the screenshot calls him Mikey the Ear. I’ll have to look into that sometime.