182619: Johnny Dangerously by @Rathulfr

My Rating: 3 stars

Fun mission. Good dialogue. Funny character biographies. Its not really a villainous mission in any sense, but for a ridiculous change of pace, its nice. Johnny hires you to take out two other mobsters, Roman Moronie and Danny Vermin, before they kill his brother. The mobsters are surrounded by Family and aren’t overpowered, even for a lowly level-7 brute such as I was when I ran this.

I’m going to run out to see what White Castle’s new Pulled Pork Sammiches taste like, so, before I go, here’s some dialogue from the aforementioned mobsters, and their biographies:

Roman Moronie: Roman Troy Moronie was responsible for The Mother’s Day Massacre, The Christmas Day Slaughter, The Lincoln’s Birthday Mutilations, and The Groundhog’s Day Beheadings. The years hadn’t softened Moronie; he continued to murder the English language, and anyone else who got in his way. He was deported to Sweden, but says he’s not from there.

This is Roman’s dialogue, as you make for him the cement shoes:
[NPC] Roman Moronie: Dis country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin’ iceholes like yourselves.
[NPC] Roman Moronie: What are you doing here, icehole? Don’t bull sty me.
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You fargin’ sneaky bastage.
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You miserable icehole, I’ma gonna nail you to the wall!
[NPC] Roman Moronie: I’ma gonna crush you in a meat grinder, you dirty sunnamon batches!
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You gonna wind up with your bells in a sling.
You have defeated Roman Moronie
You took down Moronie. What a mouth on that guy!
[NPC] Roman Moronie: You lousy cork-soaker — you have violated my fargin’ rights!

Danny Vermin: Danny Vermin fulfilled a lot of people’s prophecies by becoming a real scumbag. He enjoys collecting protection money, putting women to work, loan-sharking, and planting bombs in people’s cars. These are a few of his favorite things. He claims to be handicapped: he’s psychotic.

Danny’s last words, as spoken to myself:
[NPC] Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us undressed.
[NPC] Danny Vermin: You shouldn’t have hurt me, Jotnara. My mother hurt me once — ONCE.
[NPC] Danny Vermin: I am handicapped: I’m psychotic!
You have defeated Danny Vermin
You stopped Danny Vermin and saved Johnny’s brother!
[NPC] Danny Vermin: You shouldn’t have beat me, Jotnara. My father beat me once . . .


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